These days, early mornings are a rare thing for me as my biological clock is from 12am to 12pm everyday. Early mornings are when I need to get up earlier than usual to go out with friends or appointments. Today was one of those mornings.
Upon arriving at MINDEF for my postponed dental appointment, I was delighted to know that I am finally seeing the dentist after a month of promise.
After the checkup, I was expecting for good news. But it turns out that I only have two choices. Wait for 2 more years or take the trip to Seremban where I do not have to wait. Well, I wouldn't choose any of the choices given. My dad then decided to wait for 2 years. I couldn't say much.
It was quiet in the car on the way home. I was thinking about the years wasted before this while waiting for the government's braces. Another extension of 2 years? That'll be 6 years of waiting if added with the 4 years before this. I cannot wait any longer.
My dad broke the silence by telling me that the fee at the private orthodontist is enough to pay my college fee for a semester. I wanted to tell him that the private orthodontist doesn't require the patient to pay RM5000 in advance. The fee could be paid separately, little by little. I wasn't too sure whether I was tired or I was too lost in my thoughts that I didn't tell him what I wanted to say. I just kept quiet.
I told my mum about the 2 years waiting list and Seremban. She didn't want me to wait and insisted that I call up the private ortho clinic later to book a day to see the orthodontist. My brother was there too and he also said waiting will just be a waste of time. I told my mum that the fee at the private one can be used to pay a semester in college. So I was then given the choice to choose. I wanted to go to the private orthodontist and get done with the braces but the thought of the expensive fee that can be used to pay for my education, I thought of having to wait for 2 years. If I wait, there won't be a certainty. How if my name was left out like what happened at the government orthodontist? I couldn't bear to wait but the it's free of charge. At that moment I cried. So confused. Wanting something so badly but could not say it.
In the end, there wasn't a conclusion. I went back to my room, lied on bed thinking that I should tell my mum that I made up my mind to go for the private orthodontist so that I don't have to wait. I then continued my reading until my mum came in. She asked me why I cried just now. Before I could think of an answer, she said, 'Girl, wait la hah. One year, and then we'll see how everything goes. Okay?'. It was unexpected. I thought she wanted the private orthodontist? What happened? At that moment, I felt so helpless. My family isn't rich. If we can reduce the usage of money, we'll do so. I felt bad for using so much of her money so I decided to wait. I'm not paying so must as well wait and save up more money first.
After passing my driving exam, I wanted to settle my braces and lastly college. But it seems that college is now above of braces on my list. It's driving me crazy because whatever I planned is not working out as it is. I'm so jealous of those girls who have pretty hair and a nice smile. I don't have nice hair and definitely not a nice smile. My hair is still manageable with the hair straightener but not my teeth. I don't even have the want to rebond my hair. I just want to fix my bloody teeth.
My sister always told me to start grooming myself. Which girl doesn't want to be pretty? Because of the braces postponed to next year, I have to start focusing on different aspects besides studying of course.
- Go to gym (I need to lose those fats)
- Go ask the price for adult ballet (I need to fix my body posture)
- Stop being lazy (There is no ugly girls, only lazy girls)
Looks like I have to wait again. I will be patient.
